Sunday, July 19, 2009


That is Carter at only 2 days old. Sometimes it's hard to believe he was ever that small, or that fragile. Watching that video tears my heart out, but gives me so much joy at the same time. More than a year ago, that was my little baby, helpless, tiny, fragile. Today, Carter is healthy and strong, and I am happy to announce that he has finally been discharged from the NICU's developmental clinic.He has met his milestones. Finally. After a year of doctors, nurses, check-ups, poking and prodding, we can finally put the NICU behind us, we can finally try and regain a sense of normalcy in our lives. Carter can finally experience life beyond monthly checks, physical therapy, etc....finally.

It was sort of bittersweet being discharged. Part of me wanted to grab Carter and run out of there as fast as we could and never look back, and part of me was incredibly sad to say goodbye to these Nurses and Doctors that cared for my son for so long. Because of those people, I can honestly say I have good memories of Carter's hospital stay, because of them...I got through it. It is not like we are done forever, we can always go back, we can always visit...we can...but will we? I love to see them, I love to show off my Carter and share memories with people who there, people who truly get it. I can't help but be absolutely terrified to go back there, even with Carter in my arms, my stomach still drops as I round the corner and approach the door. My hands still shake as I reach for the buzzer, my voice still trembles as I announce who I am...why I'm there. Although Carter is safe and in my arms, my stomach still drops. I guess you can compare it to a bad relationship, the crappy boyfriend that for some reason you were dying to see just one more time. You picked up the phone and called, heart racing, and dialed the same familiar numbers...knowing it might hurt, but wanting some sort of relief from the memories, wanting to talk to someone that understands, who gets it. And so we called, we set a go back. August 4th, the day we were able to bring our baby home, at 6:45 pm, we will be going back to face the NICU... one more time.